5 Secrets to Love your Body

Well, Mama:

When was the last time you felt absolutely incredible in your body? You felt so damn good that you went over to the mirror, looked yourself in your own eyes and said, "I love you"- and you meant it.

My guess is: probably not recently. And if you did just this morning, then CONGRATULATIONS - keep killin' it, Mama! Sadly, statistics are not on our side. The National Organization for Women reports around 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies, and nearly 80% have reported calling themselves "fat".

And for a long time, I fell in to that 91%.

I have struggled with my body since I was very young. I was considerably overweight (my first addiction was sugar) and therefore relentlessly teased. I was made acutely aware that I was much bigger than the other girls and shamed for taking up more space.

At the end of my seventh grade year, I got a pretty bad case of the flu and consequently was out of school for over a week. I had inadvertently lost about 10 pounds in that time, so when I returned to school, I was praised. I'll never forget how good that felt. Talk about a dopamine hit.

The summer between my seventh and eighth grade year I isolated heavily and did about every crazy diet extreme you could imagine. I began to swing to the other extreme - underweight, praised for my discipline and physique and silently unraveling. Shortly after Christmas of eighth grade year I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and hospitalized at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore for three months. My body stopped feeling like a home and became something to control, fear, and fix.

I've lived life on both ends of the spectrum - too much and not enough - and neither one felt like peace, but purgatory instead.

What I know now is this: loving your body isn't about perfection or a number on the scale. It's about presently living inside your body; with self-awareness, compassion and grace-in every season it carries you through.

These are 5 practices that have helped me in my journey:

Move for joy

Once upon a time, I used exercise to be a forced punishment. A way to burn calories or to earn approval. To shrink. Your world will change when you find enjoyable ways to move in your body. Identify 3 ways that you can move your body in a way that you enjoy: walking in one of your favorite places, dancing, stretching, sports. You should be doing one of these things for at least 30 minutes every day. If you don't have 30 minutes all at once, then split it up: two 15 minute intervals or three 10 minute intervals throughout the day.

"Punishment Exercises" (or exercise you loathe doing) will always backfire. They just aren't sustainable and we are shooting for consistency here. When you enjoy something you adhere to a program-when you hate doing something you will inevitably start making excuses.

PRO TIP: Add music. Adding music to movement enhances physical, cognitive, and emotional development by boosting motivation, improving coordination, and stimulating brain growth. It increases endurance by up to 15%, reduces perceived exertion, making activities more enjoyable and effective. 

Don't Restrict & Fuel Efficiently

When you restrict your diet, your body doesn't think, "Oh, Sarah wants to get into that dress for next month's reunion, let's get smaller." Instead, the Reptilian Brain (the primal part of the brain that controls survival) kicks in and responds, "I may never see food again!" throwing your body into "starvation mode".

This triggers survival mechanisms. It slows your metabolism to conserve energy, and Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is actually where we burn the most calories in our Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE).

All of that beautiful muscle you've spent years building? Yeah, that's the first things to go. Not to mention since your body thinks it needs to survive, it actually begins to preserve your fat stores. Let's throw some brain fog, irritability and mood swings on top of that. Usually an obsession with food and the cycle of bingeing/restricting will set in. Come on, Mama. You're so much better than that.

On the flip side: Fueling for efficiency means consuming nutrient-dense calories that match or slightly exceed your daily energy needs. This looks like consuming 80% whole, unprocessed foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, complex carbohydrates) and prioritizing protein intake. Regular meal timing prevents energy dips, so try to eat something every 3-4 hours to keep blood sugar stable. Once you adopt these kinds of consistent habits, it becomes a lifestyle. Your mind and body reward you because you are finally treating it with respect. Your body isn't a dumpster fire. Don't treat it that way.

Wear clothes that fit

Some of you may giggle at this one, but it's a biggie. If you're anything like me, numbers (like weight and clothing sizes) can be daunting because at one time they held so much power. I had allowed numbers like these to be a direct reflection of my self-worth. Distorted, ingrained thinking: The smaller the number = a more valuable human. The bigger the number = a bigger failure. It truly is sick and sad. Hopefully, if this mentality still resonates with you, I can be an advocate and friend to help you change the narrative.

Did you ever wonder why a size 8 at Target doesn't fit like an 8 at Kohl's? Yeah, there's a reason for that and it's definitely not you. Check this out: there are no universal, enforced sizing standards for clothing in the United States. Retailers use different "vanity sizing" practices. This is when garments are intentionally labeled smaller or bigger than actual tailored measurements to help the brand achieve a financial goal by messing with your psychological self-worth. They base their designs on target demographics and "ideal" body shapes. Gross. Makes you just not want to wear clothes at all, right?

So let's reverse brainwash this idea of the number sitting in the back of your pants right now. Throw it out the window (not literally, I'm not pushing nudity here). It's difficult at first and perhaps for some time, as I say this from lived experience. But it is also possible. I want to introduce to you the concept of "enclothed cognition". Enclothed cognition is a psychological phenomenon where the clothing a person wears influences their thoughts, feelings & behaviors. This means that when you wear well-fitted clothing it positively impacts mood & self-image, making you feel more capable. You are not constantly adjusting waist bands or bra straps, allowing for better movement and preventing discomfort. Properly fitted clothes an minimize insecurities by flattering your body's natural shape rather than hiding it or drawing attention to ill-fitting areas. Shop clothes for fit, not size.

Stop Comparing

Social media has significantly increased harmful upward social comparison among women, fueling body dissatisfaction, lower self-esteem and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Studies show that 88% of women compare themselves to images on social media. The constant exposure to heavily edited and filtered images creates unattainable beauty standards. Literally unattainable. This causes women and girls to have increased body-related envy, encourages disordered eating and increased the desire for cosmetic procedures.

To stop comparing, you need to break the cycle of social media comparison. This involves how you interact with digital platforms and rebuild a healthy relationship with yourself. By curating your digital environment, you can directly control what you see by setting boundaries with the apps you use. Use the "unfollow" or "mute" buttons on any accounts that make you feel anxious, inferior or self-critical. You are protecting your precious inner peace. It is incredibly helpful to follow creators with diverse body types and abilities. Your inner world will expand when you diversify the content in your life. Setting boundaries with yourself: like app timers or designate "no-phone zones" (like the bedroom or meal times) to reduce overall exposure. Body image and comparison aside, this is just a good practice in general. Research continues to show that reducing social media use by 50% will significantly improve body satisfaction.

practice daily body gratitude

Don't even get me started on how remarkable the human body is. As an artist and science nerd, I truly believe the human body is the most beautiful and well-designed instrument to ever exist. I will die on that hill, so come get me. Adopting a grateful and realistic mindset shifts the focus from how your body looks to what it does, creating a more stable and resilient self-image.

We are going to adopt a policy of "body gratitude". This will literally rewire your brain to notice the remarkable ways your body supports you every day rather than focusing on its perceived flaws. Humans possess a survival mechanism called a negativity bias. It is the psychological phenomenon where humans are more affected by negative experiences, emotions, or information that positive ones. It's a protection mechanism, so I want you to understand that we're going to be fighting biology here.

To practice Body Gratitude we are going to acknowledge capabilities, being mindful of basic functions like your breath, the ability to walk or the strength to pick up or hug your child. We build resilience to the negativity bias and buffer the negative impact of viewing the perfect images.

To help reinforce Body Gratitude on a consistent basis, we are going to apply positive body image affirmations. Positive body image affirmations help rewire neural pathways to replace negative self-talk with self-compassion. Here's a self-coaching practice I implemented and found incredibly helpful. Every morning, I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror, straight into my own eyes. Something powerful happens when you make eye contact with yourself. I spoke out loud and gave myself three "glows" (3 things I was doing well) and 3 "grows" (3 things I want to work on). This took one to three minutes maximum. At the end of each personal coaching session, I ended it with "I love you." I did this for two weeks. It positive impacted my mental health in ways I can't explain, therefore directly affecting my physical health. I pull this practice in sporadically from time to time when I need a boost, but the key is the consistency of every day for two weeks. Try it. See what happens.

So, Mama, I want to end with this: your body has never betrayed you. It has been trying to protect you, carry you, and keep you alive in every season. Even the ones that hurt. It has held your fear, your strength, your becoming as a young girl to being a woman. It has learned, adapted, healed, and shown up again and again, even when you were at war with it. Loving your body isn’t a finish line or a feeling you earn, it’s a relationship you build. And like any other relationship, it is built with one choice, one breath, one kind thought at a time. So tonight, or tomorrow morning, or the next time you catch your reflection, pause. Put a hand on your heart. Thank your body for something—literally anything—and let that be enough. You don’t need to change a thing to be worthy of love. You already are. And your body knows it, even if you’re still learning to believe it.

🤍Em